The Crying Game
by wyteeth
Summary: A sheltered girl lives in the gloom of Tokyo's summer haze. In a world where soulmates had their first words spoken to each other written on their bodies, she finds that her mark seems to indicate that her soulmate wants nothing to do with her. Depression drives her to take her life, but instead of death, she finds herself in the world of Naruto.
1. Hidan

**Disclaimer for rest of story: I do not own Naruto.**

 **Warnings: Suicide, Depression, and will contain more mature themes in later chapters.**

* * *

" _Hello."_

" _My name is…"_

" _It's nice to meet you."_

In this world where soulmates and their first words are written on our flesh, greetings and introductions are a near sacred thing.

Growing up, almost all children are taught to make their own greeting. Each one individual and unique, as much as they can.

The generic "hello" becomes "salutations", "how d'ya do", "こんにちは", "안녕하세요", among any other multitude of languages out there in the world.

Sanada Hikari learned very early on that soulmates were more a curse than it was a blessing.

* * *

"Mom! Mom! Heeey, mom!" A little girl with messy, black hair and scuffed up shoes calls out as she runs into the small apartment.

The girl skids into the kitchen where she sees a figure with their head down on the dinner table. Her mother, usually so beautiful and tall and _strong_ , had her head turned towards the girl, towards the entrance from the kitchen to the living room.

Her eyes were empty and glassy but it only made the little girl falter in her cheeriness.

"...Mom?" She tries carefully, inching towards her mother. "Mom, we made introductions in class today, so that our soulmates can find us easy!"

At the mention of the word, "soulmate", her mother seems to snap out of her daze. Her eyes become razor sharp and glares down at the shabby looking girl. The woman's face contorts as her lips curl and her teeth poke through.

"Soulmate?! You're eleven years old and you still believe in that bullshit?! Well guess what, Hikari?" Her mother yells at her in an exasperated tone, tired and angry and resigned all at once. The little girl curls into herself at her mother's shouting, trying not to tremble in case that it made her mother even angrier.

"Guess what?" Her mother continues, this time in a quieter voice but imploring all the same.

"Your father...your father was supposed to be _my_ soulmate. But he left. That stupid, motherfucking asshole decided to pack his things and... _go_."

Her mother pulls at her own hair and stands up, pacing around the compact kitchen and mumbling curses at the man who had her words tattooed on his skin, and she his.

The little girl's eyes widen at the realization that, indeed, her father is not here. The apartment, though small and filled with second-hand everything, seemed vast and empty. She runs to the living room, head turning left and right looking for a father that was no longer there. She runs to their only bedroom and sees sheets, clothes, and what little belongings they had tossed around. The bathroom is similarly messy and _empty_.

She returns back to the living room, climbing up onto their brown, stain-spotted couch and looks at the wall across her, eyes unfocused. The idea that she no longer has a father, her small family growing even smaller with the loss of one, slowly fills her and she's starting to understand that nothing will ever be the same.

Her mother, who's calmed down some, comes in shortly. The woman sits herself next to her daughter, so small and fragile and _deserving of better_ , and wraps her arms around the girl.

The small girl blinks up at her mother and they share an understanding between them, one between mother and daughter, parent and child. In that moment, they release a deep breath of grief and soon the quiet sobs shake out from both figures.

The words "You're my soulmate and I love you!" are never spoken again by that little girl. Her greetings to people from now on are short grunts or just resorting to completely ignoring others.

She decides then that when she meets her soulmate- and soulmates are destined to meet each other at some point in their lives, at least once- that she will yell and scream and tell them all the hell she's been through.

If they cannot accept that then, against fate and the higher beings, they were not meant to be. Hikari will not condemn herself to someone like her father. She will not become her mother. She will not allow herself to be hurt like this ever again.

* * *

Hikari releases a small sigh at the memory. The air that comes out her mouth is warm, just like the air around her. July twenty-first in Tokyo was 30°C with a suffocating humidity, the day was muggy and brought the people, plants, and animals down.

Even the old man across from her, who was bent over a cane and a few shopping bags, seemed to wilt with each step. The small potted plants decorating a nearby coffee shop were shrivelled up and the street cats were silent, unable to let out a _meow!_ from dehydration.

She continued walking down the small hill of her street.

Despite the promises her mother made her after Hikari's father left, where Hikari will always be put first because _he_ couldn't do that, their relationship was strained at best. Her mother worked two jobs, one as a waitress at some run-down restaurant and the other a call girl for the sleazy businessmen down at _Harada Tourism_ \- their building had a neon, flashing sign like those you see in the older movies, from VHS tapes.

She wasn't home often.

The times her mother was home she was irritable, bitter, exhausted, or more often than not, a mixture of all three and more.

But Hikari loved her all the same. Even when her mother threw dishes at her, called her vulgarities, or told her she didn't love her. Hikari firmly loved in her heart the woman that held her the day her father left, the woman who stayed when _he didn't_.

When her mother came home with bruises and red-white stains, Hikari held her. When her mother cried because of her job, her life, her pain, Hikari comforted her.

Her mother had Hikari, but who did Hikari have?

At the age of nineteen, Sanada Hikari made the decision of a lifetime.

She dropped out of public school five years ago and worked non-stop herself, doing anything she can to scrape up some money. She drew the line at prostitution however. Her mother had shown her the horrors of that path clearly enough. Odd jobs here and there had to do.

At nineteen, she had saved enough money for her mother to get out of the area. Move out to the countryside, get a new job, see new people, and start over. _All this hard work had been for you_ , Hikari's mother will read after coming home to an empty home and a letter on the kitchen table.

At nineteen, Hikari will have done all she can for her mother and is now ready to do something for herself.

Depression affects people in many ways. For Hikari, it was a slow affair. Her depression lurked in the corners of her life: the empty fridge, the cold winters, the isolation. It grew slowly, creeping up behind her like a shadow fiend preying on small children. It grew and grew until it was right in front of her.

A black, shadowy thing that jutted out in angles and made noise like a broken stereo.

It followed her everywhere and she couldn't stop it. She knew she was a "sad, gloomy girl", as her mother often described her when customers found out she had a daughter, but Hikari knew it was something deeper than that. Something more twisted.

Her depression grew to the size of Tokyo's skyscrapers and Hikari could not ignore it any longer. She had to make a choice.

The young woman, in ratty clothes and messy hair and scuffed up shoes, walks up to a bridge. It was high enough to knock her out unconscious when she hits the water and the water deep enough to drown her out. Hopefully, to drown her depression out along with her.

As she looks down at the water below she briefly wonders if it would hurt. She shakes her head and realizes, _yes_ , it will hurt and it should but it will be okay because Hikari is good with pain and pain seemed to define her life both physically and mentally.

There is no breeze to coax her to the edge, instead it was the rush of the water below and the shadow that lurches above her that makes her take the first step.

The next one comes naturally and before she knows it, Sanada Hikari is falling into the grey-blue of the river below.

She closes her eyes and prays that there is nothing beyond this life. Nothing is better than hurting, after all.

She only regrets not meeting her soulmate and being able to judge them. She hopes they understand.

* * *

Hidan, nude and proud, washes himself in the shallow part of a small lake nearby the camp he and Kakuzu had set up. The gore from his earlier sacrifice easily slides off him in chunks but it is the dried blood that clings to his skin, forcing him to scrub away until his skin grows pink like the color of his own eyes.

He does this routine for a few minutes until he considers himself clean enough and steps out of the water, planning to sun dry himself before putting his dark cloak back on.

After putting only one foot on land, something touches the other foot that is still in the water and in a split second the silver haired ninja is jumping back and readying himself into a fighting stance. Nevermind that everything is still hanging out exposed and that he should have sensed anyone nearby.

Hidan scans the intruder and catalogues everything in his mind like a good shinobi: dark hair, pale skin, female, civilian...and unconscious in the water.

The silver haired nin's shoulders sag at realizing that the woman in front of him was literally no threat and was going to drown if he left her in the water. He should probably get her out.

Then again, why should he save her? If anything, he should kill her since if she did come to she would become a security risk for the Akatsuki.

 _But..._ Hidan had recently sacrificed someone to his beloved god, Jashin. This must be Jashin's way of telling him that he got his sacrifice right? A new child of Jashin that needs to be guided and cared for because she is His blessing.

The corners of the pink eyed man's lips turn up as he roughly shoves his cloak back on and pulls the woman out of the water.

He sets her down on the grass and pushes her hair away, marvelling at the newfound beauty he found in her after realizing she was Jashin's gift. Her cheeks were slightly sunken in and the bags below her eyes did little to deter the warm, protective feelings that erupted within the man.

He puts his ears on her chest and is happy to hear a slight pulse, even if her breathing seemed a little quiet. Lifting up the edge of the cloak, he brings it up to her face and dries her off as best as he can before hefting her up and carrying her back with his scythe in tow.

"What took you so long?" Came the gravelly mutter of Kakuzu's deep voice.

The stitched-up man lifts his head after receiving silence as a reply and zones in on the woman his partner has draped in his arms.

"What the fuck is that?" He asks another question, wondering what trouble Hidan has gotten up to in the fifteen minutes he'd been gone.

Said troublesome man is looking down at the woman's face with something akin to affection. A face Kakuzu had only seen on his partner's face whenever he was praying or fiddling with his necklace.

"This is a gift from Jashin-sama, you damn heathen." The pink eyed nin says softly, though his language is still coarse as ever.

"Jashin-sama wanted to reward me for all the things I've sacrificed for Him by gifting me His blessing. I know she'll be strong and useful, just like the scythe He had given me."

Kakuzu was getting mildly creeped out. He knew that whatever God his partner put his faith in was not a malevolent entity but something that fed on destruction and bloodshed, so this so called "blessing" may turn out to be anything but. He was also getting the heebie-jeebies at seeing Hidan gently caress the woman's cheek as if she were a baby. Revolting.

"Blessing?" He scoffed, "Where did you find her? You sure she's not just some runaway who had the bad luck of meeting you?"

"Shut your mouth, Kakuzu! As if you'd know anything about Jashin-sama and His plentiful gifts He bestows on his followers."

"As if _you_ would know how to properly answer someone's questions." The tall man retorts back. His partner snaps his head up to give a seething glare with a promise of payback, though Kakuzu just shrugs it off and continues, "I'm guessing that you're planning on bringing her back with us. Since you see her as your God's gift, you're going to fight tooth and nail to keep her. At least, that's what I think would be going through that little brain of yours."

"Of course I'm gonna fucking keep her! She's mine!" The silver haired nin continues on by grumbling to himself about 'Jashin' this or 'my gift' that.

Kakuzu just narrows his eyes as Hidan disappoints him as a partner/colleague/punching bag. Again.

* * *

"I'm fucking keeping her! I swear to Jashin that if you even think about taking her away I'm going to leave this damned organization and kill all you unbelieving heathens!" Hidan screams out as he carries the woman over his shoulder, his scythe pointed out at the rest of the Akatsuki.

Kakuzu just lets out a small sigh.

The enraged man keeps to himself the fact that Jashin might also punish him if he lets His blessing go to waste. Jashin rarely praises his followers to begin with so denying His gift would be like sacrilege.

The man with orange hair and pierced skin steps forward.

"Enough, Hidan. I will allow you to keep the girl but you _will_ have full responsibility over her. She is not under the protection of the Akatsuki nor will I stop any of the other members from trying to rid of her."

Pein stares coldly with his deadened eyes at the man in front of him, "As long as she does not interfere with our agenda and your work, I will not step in. But there will be consequences and repercussions should this venture of yours prove to be troublesome."

With an air of finality, Pein and the rest of the Akatsuki conclude the sudden meeting and leave.

Hidan gives their backs a glare before heading off to his room and putting the girl down on the floor.

"Fucking heathens. Don't know shit when it comes to faith. One of these days I'm gonna get 'em. Get 'em all real good."

Unknown to the grumbling man, who was polishing his scythe on his bed, the woman on the ground is slowly waking up. Her eyes flutter open and she takes in one raspy breath after the other.

She finally gains consciousness and takes in her surroundings, idly wondering if this was heaven, or hell.

She concludes it looked too much like some kind of room to be either choices.

Lifting herself up slowly with one arm, she gets to see about one whole leg of a table before a hand comes wrapping itself around her throat and pinning her back down on the ground.

Hikari lets out a strangled sound as she tries to claw the offending hand off her throat.

A deep, if haughty, voice cuts in, "Nuh-uh, I don't fucking think so."

Hikari flashes her eyes to the voice's face, taking in a strong jawline, pink eyes, and grey, gelled-back hair.

She calms herself a bit at recognizing a character from the ratty manga she's read from the used bookstore down her street.

 _Naruto…_ her mind echoes.

"You've calmed down, huh?" The man, Hidan was his name, smirks. He takes his hand off her throat and kicks her as if to tell her to get up. She scrambles to sit on her knees because there wasn't enough strength in her legs to support her.

"If you promise to behave I won't have to put a damn leash on ya." Hidan cackles at his idea, finding something funny at his suggestion which the woman just frowns at.

"Get up and take a shower. Don't need you getting sick on me just when I got you." He turns his back on the woman and rummages through a cabinet next to the bed. He pulls out a copy of the same cloak he's wearing and then reaches an arm under her own to lift her up.

"Up we go. If I have to bathe you myself I'm gonna fucking do it." He threatens, though there is a slight leer in his voice.

"I-I.." The young woman stutters, her voice scratchy and breathy.

She continues, "My name is Hikari!"

Though barely above a whisper she says her name hurriedly, not wanting to be called "you" any longer. Hidan just looks at her boredly.

"Okay, _Hikari_ , get in the bathroom before I shove a bar of soap up your ass."

The woman just looks at him incredulously before pulling her arm out of his grip and staggering into the bathroom. Hidan just smirks and tosses the extra cloak in after her.

* * *

Where am I? Is this my punishment? What is _Hidan_ doing here?

All these questions zoom through my mind as I scrub myself down from filth and dirt.

I'm in the Naruto-verse. I must be. There's no way Hidan could be here (silver hair, pink eyes, everything!) without me actually being in the Naruto world now.

I finished showering, though the warm water relaxed me some I was still reeling at the revelation that I was living inside a manga now.

Grabbing the towel that hung beside the shower- obviously Hidan's and obviously a little gross and weird and shocking- I dried myself off and then put on the cloak. The cloak itself was a dark fabric adorned with the symbolic red cloud that seemed to glow even redder the longer I stared at it. As if mocking me by cementing the fact that I was still alive.

There was a large mirror right above the sink and I inspected myself then.

I still looked like a mess and didn't really feel much better than that either, what with wearing the same underwear and weakened from…

From jumping off that bridge. From trying to kill myself.

 _I failed_ , I thought detachedly, fingering my hair and looking at myself. I failed and now I was here: wearing an Akatsuki robe with a violent, God-fearing shinobi waiting just outside my door.

Suddenly the bathroom door swings open and Hidan comes sauntering in, leaning a hip against the sink counter. Speak of the devil.

"What's taking so long? No need to pretty yourself up for me, I like you enough already, dammit."

"W-what? Why am I here?" I stuttered out, still a little disoriented after waking up.

The man across from me only sighs as he gives me a suffering stare, his hooded eyes unimpressed as he picks up his scythe and leaves the room. I follow him in fear of getting any backlash.

We move through the hallways of what I assumed was the Akatsuki base, Hidan taking long, confident strides while I scuttled behind him, desperately taking in all the information I could.

So far I had this: the walls were bare, a dull beige color, and Hidan made no sound with his footsteps.

The emptiness of the hallways were amplified from each of my own footfalls, making me strangely self-conscious.

We keep walking until finally there's an exit through a doorway leading outside, the outdoors and fresh sunlight were a stark contrast from the dreary inside. I was barefoot and I revelled in feeling the grass between my feet.

 _I should have died. I shouldn't be here, given a second chance, as if I_ _ **wanted**_ _one!_

My brows furrow together as I scowl. This sucks.

"Oi! Hikari, or whatever, we're gonna start now so look over here!" Hidan yells from a distance away from me. How did he get there so quickly and without me noticing? Well, the benefits of an S-ranked ninja I guess…

I could feel that my face was still a little disgruntled but I looked his way anyways, my eyes only registering a glint of silver before a stinging sensation was felt on my right cheek.

"Hmm, guess we got a lot of work to do if you can't even avoid that, seriously."

I lift my hand to my face and feel the small trickle of warm liquid. Looking at my fingers, there was fresh blood on them so I looked back at Hidan with an accusing stare.

"Stop with the fucking looks already! Get over here, will ya? The day is young or some shit but I got plans later on!" The silver haired nin stomps his foot petulantly, and though it was hardly intimidating, the scythe he was swinging around forced me to sprint up next to him.

"I'm here." I huff out. The cloak was a bit all-over-the-place but at least it was lightweight, maybe I could fit it so that it wouldn't be so loose.

Hold on, fitting the cloak meant that I was planning on wearing it for longer. Staying for longer. Which I wasn't, definitely not.

Glancing at the scythe, which had suddenly become very appealing, I gambled whether it would be easier to impale myself on it or use a kunai to slit my throat.

Hidan apparently caught the contemplative look in my eyes because next thing I knew he had kicked me in the gut.

"Fuuuuck.." I groan out, bent over and clutching my middle. A cut on the face and a kick in the gut? Can't this asshole just put me out of my misery and just kill me?

"Whatever you're thinking that's involving my scythe, and I can _see_ those little looks, you better knock it off. You ain't gonna be using it and you damn well ain't gonna use it to kill yourself, either. So get up, I'm gonna try to cycle your chakra and see what's in ya."

How'd he know I was contemplating on suiciding myself with his beloved glorified backscratcher? The guy must be more keener than he looks, then.

I straighten myself before leveling a stare at him. Despite everything, the kick, the botched suicide (which he probably saved me from), Hidan hadn't tried to kill me yet. Which was weird since he was usually labelled as the unhinged mass-murderer by every fan.

"Not much of a talker?" He says offhandedly before putting his palm against my abdomen, his hand surprisingly warm.

"You and that fuckhead Uchiha will get on juuust great, then."

Without anymore preparation, a sudden mild, blooming feeling erupts from where Hidan's palm lay. My own hands jump up to push him away but his hold was firm and my attempts only made his fingers dig into my stomach.

Ouch, as if it hadn't been abused by his earlier kick already.

"Relax, it doesn't _have_ to hurt."

Despite his words I kept my hands gripped around his arm, albeit a bit more loosely than earlier before. The warm sensation soon thrums and thrums before a distinct vibration is felt from below Hidan's palm, up to his arm and into my own hands.

Is that from me? Was that humming noise coming from me?

Just when the thrumming and humming nears some sort of climax, the noise and vibrations the only things bouncing between my ears, it all stops kind of anticlimactically. The silence is there again and Hidan is pulling back his arm.

"What was that?" I whisper out. I unzipped the cloak halfway down to lift up my shirt and stomach to see if anything changed.

Just as I expected, there was some sort of blood red marking right on top of my belly button. The marking was of a small circle that contained a triangle within it and I wondered how Hidan got this on me before realizing something.

This is the same symbol as the necklace Hidan wears. The necklace denoting his religion and faith towards _Jashin_.

 _I was brought back because of some kind of death god?_ My mind questioned, poking at the red marking.

The silver haired nin next to me unzips his own cloak, letting his own abdomen show through.

"Hey look, we match." He chuckles as if it was some kind of joke.

Just as he said the same red mark is on his own belly button, triangle inside a circle and all.

"...You're an outie." I say after looking at his belly for a while longer.

A slight pause goes through us before the man doubles over, cackling and slapping his thigh in a deep baritone.

"I knew there was a reason to like you! Jashin-sama wouldn't give me some boring ass gift anyways!"

Gift? So he thinks Jashin gave me to him? Isn't this more like I was being punished by Jashin?

Well if I am a gift then maybe I shouldn't have killed myself just yet, instead I should have bided my time and waited out the death god's interest in me.

Hidan's chuckling dies down to a smirk before speaking to me again, "Well, good news is that you have some pretty good chakra stores. Bad news, you probably don't know shit how to use it. It's gonna be alright though, my scythe was a bit clunky the first time I got it too. We just need more experience working together, is all."

 _He's planning on using me as some kind of weapon_ , I gathered. I guess I have no choice but to play along until I can get the opportunity to try to end it again.

"Glad we got that out the way, now I just need to check you for any nicks or scratches, at least other than the ones I just gave you. Did this with my scythe, too."

He was roughly pulling down my cloak and lifting my arms before I had the chance to protest. His pink eyes skillfully look over my skin, bending my fingers and elbows before noticing the words that scrawl against my wrist.

"Huh? What's this say?"

I couldn't pull my arm away from his vice grip and I was helpless to hear him read aloud, " _Perhaps it would have been better if you had just died."_

* * *

 **"Another OC story?! Why, Tacchan, it isn't like all your other stories were OCs too!"**

 **I just really, really enjoy reading and writing OC fics alright. Also if you haven't noticed all my OC names start with 'Hi', Hiroki, Hinowa, and now Hikari. Let's just say that my first name starts with 'Hi' as well so in a way all my OCs were also a part of me (or my personality) and if you squint really hard all these fics so far are really just SI fics...hahah...ha...**

 **So why did I write this story? It's been in my "bin of ideas" for well over a year now and I've been thinking about it often lately. Soulmate AUs are super fun to read too, especially the ones where one of them rejects the other (coughforeshadowingcough). I'm planning on making this a shorter story, maybe half a dozen chapters at most because I really don't want to drag this on longer than it has to be.**

 **That said, be warned that this story will be heavily focused on the Akatsuki and Sanada Hikari's love life as in HARDLY ANY MENTION OF THE ACTUAL CANON PLOT LINE. Of course the bijuu and maybe even Madara, will be in this because that's Akatsuki main goal for many years so I can't gloss that over. All I'm saying is that don't go expecting any epic fights or adventure like in my other stories ATDTD or DIA.**

 **Hidan is one of my major favorite characters (alright so all of Akatsuki is) so he's gonna be a big part in the story first and foremost. He thinks that Hikari is a blessing from Jashin so he'll care for her in the only way he knows how: violently yet devotedly. He's rough around the edges but he will try to foil all of Hikari's plans of "escape".**

 **As for Hikari, keep in mind while you're reading that she is a clinically depressed, quiet girl who only knows the basics of the Naruto-verse and thus is completely entitled to being a little weak and helpless sometimes. It's out of my comfort zone to write about more "weak" characters (ahem OP Hiroki right) but I'm really trying to branch out and write more complex, versatile characters who are weak in the body as well as in the heart.**

 **That said, thank you for reading my first chapter on this story about fate, depression, and what it means to love someone.**

 **Reviews = Author Motivation = Faster Updates**


	2. Kakuzu

**Warning: Dark themes like death and gore**

* * *

Sometimes I hear God.

He's always angry and I know it's a 'he' because His voice is deep and commanding. It fills my ears and I physically feel like I have to scratch His words out of them; He speaks omnipotently.

After Hidan had read my soulmate mark aloud I heard Him for the first time.

* * *

My eyes glazed over despite the rush of resentment and bitterness from hearing those words, the words meant to be said by my soulmate. I fall bonelessly in a heap unto the ground while Hidan still clutched onto my wrist.

"The fuck does this mean?" Said the silver haired nin, poking at the ink.

Receiving silence, Hidan glares down at me before sighing and letting me go.

"What does it mean, Hikari?"

"...It's my soulmate's words. They want me dead before even getting to know me." I whisper out quietly, laying on the floor and staring up at the bright, so bright, sky.

 _You will not die just yet. It is my will._

My entire body flinches at hearing a deep baritone speak to me and though it didn't sound like Hidan, I stood up and looked at him accusingly. He was picking at his scythe, completely facing the opposite direction and didn't even react to my glare.

"Soulmate? You believe in that crap? Thought they were just storybook fairy tales or some shit."

That voice couldn't have been Hidan, right? I shake my head and look around, squinting at the treeline to see if there was a hidden ninja somewhere out there- as if I could actually catch one off guard.

"...Soulmates are real because these are the words they will say when we first meet,"

I retort back, a stinging sensation in my chest from hearing similar words that Mom had said back then, "Everyone has a soul mark."

At this, Hidan turns to look at me and gives me an incredulous stare. He completely shrugs off his cloak to reveal a shirtless chest, dark grey pants, and plain ninja sandals.

"Oh yeah? Then where's mine, dumbass?" He challenges, spinning around to further prove his point.

My face burned with embarrassment and shame, "Maybe you have one on your ass, stop fucking around."

Hidan gave me a devilish grin, one that would have been attractive if it didn't promise anything bad. The silver haired nin had the balls to actually turn around and pull his pants down. My hands immediately flew up to shield my eyes.

"Stop! Enough!" I screeched, louder than I ever had in my life (two lives?). I rushed towards him and tugged on his pants to pull them back over his crack at the very least, Hidan chuckling the whole while like my embarrassment was great fun for him. Then again, it probably was.

* * *

The Naruto world didn't have soul marks and with that, no soulmates.

It made me want to slump in relief despite the shallow regret that welled in me from thinking about my own soulmate, one I left behind me in that other life.

No soulmates means that the people here must be free. If I remember correctly, there was no mention what-so-ever about soulmates in the manga; everyone was too busy trying to be the strongest ninja or ruling the world. Maybe that's why I was such a fan. Think about it: you're free to live a life not shackled by some words that were on your body. I told Hidan the same thing after he wanted me to explain soulmates further to him.

("Where I'm from," I started carefully, "Soulmates are the person you're fated to be with. Someone that will love you and you will love back."

"Fate? Jashin-sama fated you to be with me but _I_ didn't say those words."

"No. I guess not.")

I assumed the voice I heard was from Jashin, or at least some other deity. Hidan hadn't heard it after all and he was a supposedly a devout follower. I continued to hear the voice, though at sporadic moments, throughout the time I was with Hidan. Though He always said things along the lines of "My will commands you to do this" or "You will be the end and the beginning" blah blah blah. I really just tried to tune Him out since He was being repetitive.

Hidan wanted me to do some workouts with him. Sprints, push ups, the like. Said something about my physical ability being "too damn shitty" to even be useful. I had to hand it to him however, after a week of his training regiment I could really feel a difference in my body's tone and muscles.

 _You will grow and fester and rid the world of all non-believers_.

My face stays blank at hearing Him talk again. I chose to keep this to myself for now until I find the right time to say anything. Not like I expected anyone to help me if this turns out to be just a case of schizophrenia.

"Oi, Hikari!" Hidan slams open the door and barges in. I was laying on the bed- technically his, and I slept on the floor, but he wasn't there- thinking too much when he arrived.

"Jashin-sama told me you weren't answering to His commands! You little shit, you can actually hear Him and He talks to you but you didn't say anything?" He reached over and shook me violently, my neck swinging back and forth painfully.

"Jashin-sama told me to tell _you_ to answer when He speaks to you, got it? Otherwise, He told me to give you lashings as punishment! Your back should be bloody when I'm done with you, bitch!" Pink eyes bore into me and I fully believed Hidan would go through with that threat.

I nodded desperately and closed my eyes, trying to hold back tears. A few beats of silence passed before he released my shoulders and let me fall back onto the bed. I let out heavy breaths and reigned my tears back in, opening my eyes when I felt safe enough to do so.

Sitting on the foot of the bed, his face turned to the wall showing me his profile, Hidan had a firm scowl on his face. If he was anything but I would have called him innocent-looking with that pout. But he isn't so I tucked my legs in and tried to look small. I gasped when he suddenly turned back to me.

"Why didn't you say anything?" His voice was unusually quiet, a stark contrast to his earlier yelling.

"I thought it was just a voice in my head." I lied easily, the thumping in my heart steady with years of practice. I didn't feel like making Hidan even more angry by saying that I _did_ know the voice in my head is his beloved Jashin and just chose not to speak to Him.

Hidan's pout- frown, frown, frown- twisted some more, "No, not that idiot. Why didn't you tell _me_ you could hear him?"

My head tilted in confusion. _Why would he want to know?_ , I asked myself until realization dawned on me.

Hidan loves, no worships, Jashin. Something told me that Jashin rarely ever spoke to His followers like He has been speaking to me this past week, daily and incessant. Could Hidan be jealous?

"I didn't want to seem crazy." It was the partial truth. I heard what Pein said, I'm not protected from the wrath of the other Akatsuki members. If they thought some loon in their base was too troublesome, they could easily kill me when Hidan's caught off guard.

"Look, it's not. I just don't get it. Why would He speak to you?" Hidan's voice stayed with that quiet, nearly gentle tone.

Shrugging off the rudeness from that statement I decided to placate the man who had threatened me with a whipping not too long ago, "I-I could repeat back what He said to me."

Pink, hopeful eyes snapped up to look at me. The intensity in those orbs made me involuntarily shiver, those pink eyes were surreally unnatural but so very beautiful.

Taking his silence as agreement I went on, "He just told me before you came in, 'You'll grow and fester and rid the world of non-believers'..."

I continued like that, retelling Jashin's words as Hidan scooted closer to me, drinking each word in and even asking me to repeat some things.

"...That is fucking amazing," He says with a large grin after I finished speaking.

"You must really be worth something if Jashin-sama sees you as the End of All Days. I've only heard bits and pieces of His plan, only after sacrificing useless cunts."

He stands up and without warning, lifts me over his shoulder easily- Hidan had about a foot on me and probably weighed twice my size. I tensed immediately as he walked out of the room and headed down a now familiar corridor, the one leading towards that grassy field we used as a training ground.

I was practically used to being hefted around like this however, since the pink eyed nin realized it was faster to carry me than it is to wait for me to follow after him.

 _At least his shoulders were comfortable_ , I thought sarcastically. _Muscley, but comfortable._

I thought back to what he said to me: the End of All Days? Something told me that it had to do with an apocalypse of some sort, definitely something Earth shattering in the very least. Not that I even believed that I'd have any part in it. If all goes according to plan, I'd be dead before then.

A whoosh of wind made my long, dark hair fall over my face and I grumbled about it loud enough for Hidan to hear and laugh at. Asshole.

I was dumped, roughly I'm afraid, onto the grass below. Hidan had his scythe with him and told me to get up, completely ignoring the fact that I was still recovering from nearly falling onto my neck.

"Stand up. We're gonna see what freaky shit you can do."

Finally gathering myself and looking up at him, I stared at the way he said 'freaky shit'. What does that even mean?

Apparently seeing the confused face I was making, he jabbed my stomach with the butt-end of his scythe- I only cringed a little, a solid improvement- before telling me to gather up my chakra.

I nodded and did as I was told, calling up the foreign substance that made the muscles in my abdomen tighten and feel full simultaneously. Along with physical training Hidan had me always use some chakra to get me familiar with using it, though it still felt weird and intrusive just as it had when he first cycled chakra through my 'inner network'.

"Call for Jashin-sama." He ordered next.

Then, after seeing the same confused face from me he huffed out, "Focus and search for His voice. Jashin-sama is strongly connected to you so you should be able to hear him sooner or later, dipshit."

I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes. Truthfully, I was nervous and anxious since this is the first time that I'll actually be _looking_ for that voice instead of avoiding it or tuning it out.

 _Hello,_ my mind called out. After a minute of not hearing anything I was about to give up when the signature deep, echoing voice of the death god rang through my ears.

 _My follower did well in disciplining you I see, you have decided to listen to your God._

I tried to stop myself from thinking of a retort but the dark chuckle that boomed between the walls of my mind told me that I failed.

 _Child, you may try to mask your thoughts from me but your emotions are written as clear as freshwater. Do well in holding your tongue however, since next time I may not be as lenient towards your liveliness._

He chuckled a little more, probably from the pout I was wearing on my face and the pout I was feeling in my heart.

 _Hidan told me to call for you_ , I told the amused voice in my head. I wondered if Hidan got his sense of humor from Him since they both seemed to take pleasure in my negativity.

 _So he wishes to see your gifts?_

 _My gifts? Aren't I the gift?,_ I asked but then sputtered after realizing how egocentric that sounded. I imagined that Hidan is wondering what was going on from the deep blush that dusted my face at the moment. Jashin laughs- not snort because gods of death and destruction do not snort- at my embarrassment.

 _You are a gift I gave to Hidan. Your second life and your powers are my gift to you. If you wish to use them, simply draw power from the mark I have given you and expel your chakra._

And with that simple explanation our conversation ended. I could feel a strange emptiness from where Jashin had spoken to me.

I opened my eyes to see a masculine face right in front of me, eliciting a loud gasp on my part.

"So how'd it go?" Hidan asks, still peering down at me as I clutched my chest. My chest was pounding but maybe if I was lucky I'd die from a heart attack.

"Jashin told me to just draw power from my mark...then expel my chakra," I replied. Hidan gave me an unimpressed look and even I had to agree that it sounded way too simple. No long and complicated hand signs? No elaborate jutsu?

I added in anyways, "Oh, and he said you did well in...telling me to contact him."

At this, the man smiles more sincerely than I've ever seen, "No way, seriously? Jashin-sama said _I_ did a good job? No fucking way!"

He continued on a tirade of incredulity, waving his arms around comically as he clutched onto the necklace adorned around his neck. I noted that the quickest way to get him happy again would be to talk about Jashin with him.

When he was done with his fanboying- a light word to describe his fanatic devotion- he turned back to me, almost as if he'd forgotten about my existence. I was just smooshing some ants I saw on the ground with my thumb to pass the time till then.

"Oi, Hikari, why aren't you channelling your chakra?" Hidan barked out.

Rolling my eyes, I muttered under my breath how he was the one who got distracted in the first place. It earned me a punch in my shoulder that would bruise later on the day. Damn ninja and their enhanced senses.

"Fine, I got it, I got it." I grumbled and held up two fingers like I had seen in the manga. It felt a little awkward and my fingers were tense but I gathered chakra in the same place.

This time though, I searched for the chakra from the mark Jashin gave me. It didn't take long at all. Almost immediately I felt a surge of red, hot chakra at the base of my spine being pulled forward to my belly, towards the mark.

I let out a gasp as I saw a faint, red glow coming from under my shirt. Even Hidan raised a brow at this.

"H-He said to expel it out. Jashin, I mean," I stuttered out hurriedly, fearfully. "How do I that?"

The bastard just shrugged, "Just push, I don't fucking know. Push until you feel like shitting."

My mouth pressed together to form a thin line, ignoring the brusque words but taking his advice by pushing. At first physically, then mentally I forced the chakra to move, move, move.

The red glow grew stronger and seemed to come off more parts of my body until I realized that it wasn't my skin glowing, no, it was the deep, maroon pattern stretching over my skin. It climbed down my arms, up my throat, and across my face.

"Damn…" Hidan whistled at my new 'look'. I blinked but my body was rigid still, afraid of anything happening should I move or disrupt anything.

The patterns didn't stop on my skin however. After reaching my feet it spread out onto the ground in a circular pattern, interconnecting with itself in multiple places like a spiderweb made of blood. I watched as it sickenly pooled together to finish its design: a macabre, blood red circle around me.

"...What's it supposed to do?" I asked the man next to me. There was silence except for the the wind that tickled the grass and leaves. If I listened closely, there was a faint hum coming from the markings.

"Hidan?" I asked, turning to look at the man.

What I was met with was the silver haired nin frozen in place, his arms at his sides awkwardly. I tilted my head and wondered why he was standing like that.

His pink irises pleaded something fierce to me, I realized. It was then that I put two-and-two together and concluded that he was standing on top of the pattern of the circle, the same glow around his own feet.

Unsure of how to release the jutsu- kekkei genkai?- I moved and stepped towards him. Slowly, the pattern receded into itself until it was just a pool that looked a lot like blood.

"...The fuck?! What the fuck was that bullshit?!" Hidan screamed the moment the glow around his feet disappeared.

I raise my arms in defense, scared that he'd lash out at me again.

"I don't know, promise!"

The next ten minutes then consisted of Hidan swearing and pacing while I stared at the ground where the puddle of blood settled. I reached down to touch it- morbid curiosity- and was surprised to see it wasn't cold as I was expecting, it felt fresh.

"...Warm." I whispered.

When Hidan was done with cursing at the high heavens above- the heathen's heaven- he turned to speak to me again. I stood up to face him.

"Jashin-sama gave you the ability of being able to trap people in that blood web of yours, or at least that's what I think," He then crouched to touch the small puddle as I had done earlier, "Hmm, it's warm. Then that means this blood is yours."

I was instantly alarmed. My blood? Now that I think about it, I did have a headache when I released the circle. Could it have been from the blood loss?

"Use that jutsu or whatever it is again. I want to try something." Hidan requested, or more like demanded of me. As I concentrated to gather up the chakra again, he jumped back about four meters in front of me.

"This time I won't be caught in your fucking circle." He explained.

Chakra pooled in my gut and soon enough the red glow was back and the markings were growing on my body, extending out onto the ground. However, now that I knew it was using _my_ blood, I was staring at the maroon pattern more warily.

"Is that as far as it goes?" Hidan yells over, holding a hand to cup around his mouth.

I focus more chakra but nothing happens. Looking towards Hidan, I shrugged uselessly.

"I'm gonna try my theory, then." He yells back, a grin on his face.

Uh oh, that doesn't bode well.

Next thing I knew Hidan's scythe came swinging straight into its wielder. Skin pierced and a harsh spray of blood came out, spilling onto the ground, the air, everywhere. Even on the circle.

My head snapped down to look at my belly, there was a new sensation there almost like a piece fitting or a jar being filled. It wasn't painful or uncomfortable per se, just _foreign._

The pattern glowed especially bright then, turning from a deeper red hue to a pink shade, similar to Hidan's own eyes. A connection was made, I realized. The circle accepted the blood- the sacrifice- and started to grow, spanning out farther and creating a more web-like look before returning to its original color.

"Gahahaha!" The man laughed, near maniacally, "I fucking knew it! Just like my scythe, you need a blood sacrifice to work properly!"

I felt a little peeved that Hidan still treated me like his weapon, an object, but it was quickly overshadowed by the fact that I used a _blood sacrifice_ as part of my ability. Sure, I had a healthy dose of interest in the macabre (someone who tries to kill themselves obviously has to) but this was actually kind of cool.

It made me feel powerful, and in control. Something I've never had in my past life. I was ruled by money, my mother, and that depression, but in this world? I was _blessed_ , yeah I fucking said it.

Blessed.

 _Thank you_ , I think sincerely, hoping that my gratitude could be conveyed to the death god.

"Praise be." I said, half-jokingly when Hidan came trotting over to me.

I released the circle differently this time: cutting off the chakra flow from my normal chakra to the- albeit demonic like- chakra of Jashin's symbol.

"Hikari! I can picture it now!" Hidan exclaimed happily.

Even picking me up from below my knees, forcing me to put my hands on his shoulders to balance myself, "While I'm out killing sacrifices, you'll be there, make that kickass blood circle, and use that to trap the sacrifices and make sure they don't escape!"

He spun us around, me still in his arms and him smiling wildly. I decided to indulge him since he was technically stroking my ego and said, "With every sacrifice, when their blood gets on the circle then the circle will get even bigger."

Hidan blinked his orbs up at me before breaking into a radiant smile. I tried to hold back a blush but I knew I failed just from feeling my heated cheeks.

"I didn't even think of that! Fuck, I want to go out and kill something already!" He pulled me close and planted a wet pop of a kiss right on top of my head but I didn't react to it.

No, I was too busy thinking about what he just said.

"...Go out and kill?" I whisper to myself, my brows lowering into each other.

I guess I never realized it, a dire mistake on my part, but I was expected to kill. I _had_ to kill.

 _I have given you a second chance so that you and my follower will give me more sacrifices. Remember what I have told you: you will be the End of All Days. A Harbinger of Death. The Apocalypse._

Jashin's voice drowned out Hidan's own (I faintly remember him calling my name) as I stared out blankly in front of me. Me? The Apocalypse?

My head couldn't wrap around the thought. It couldn't accept it. If I wasn't already wrong in the head I'd be more worried about the fact there's an actual _voice_ in my mind but instead I'm stuck on trusting whether what it's saying is right or not.

I have to admit, it'd be cool to have some impact on the Naruto world. Even if it's just a little.

Settling my eyes on Hidan, I can't help but feel that maybe being here- with the Akatsuki, one of the most influential group of characters in the manga- isn't so bad afterall.

Too bad these feelings were short lived.

* * *

We were going out tonight, as per Hidan's orders.

Him and Kakuzu had a short mission that shouldn't take too long and I'd be able to be put to use. At least, that's what Hidan told me.

Said man was currently strapping kunai into his holsters and wrapping bandages around his legs, getting ready and preparing.

On the other hand, _I_ was pacing around. A nervous tic that never really went away after gaining the habit as a kid. There was a lot of reasons for me to be nervous anyways.

Naruto was a manga that preached friendship and bonds and everything that didn't work in my previous world. Despite all that there were definitely some gory scenes with antagonists that had some admittedly twisted schemes.

Tonight I was expected to kill someone. Hidan would make sure of it. I gulped at the thought, my head was quiet though I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"Sit down, dammit. What? You scared, seriously?" Hidan shoots me an annoyed look.

Meekly, I sat on the bed opposite where Hidan was sitting. I tried hiding my nod by ducking my head but of course the only time Hidan's paying any attention to me I'm too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

"Haa," He breathes out, as if my reluctance was some irritating thing, "I'm guessing it's your first time? Don't worry, I'll be there and if you listen to what I'm saying, everything should be fine."

I look up at him, my eyes widening. Is Hidan comforting me? He's capable of something like that?

"Geez, don't fucking look at me like that, seriously. I just don't want Jashin-sama's gift go to waste if I let you die on the first test run." He snorts though there's a faint dusting of pink across his cheeks.

There is bile in the back of my throat and my stomach is still stuck in knots but Hidan's reassurance was nice. I give him a small smile in thanks for this small mercy.

"Let's go." Kakuzu grunts, his hulking figure surprisingly nimble as it sped off into the night.

Hidan and I met up with the stitched man outside of the base, the first time I'm somewhere other than Hidan's room or that open space used as a training ground. Apparently the two of us were late (Hidan may or may not have had to drag me out of the room) but the zombie duo said a few words before it was time to take off.

"Get on, Kakuzu's pissed so he's not gonna wait." Hidan crouches slightly and shows his back to me.

I nod hesitantly and climb on, digging my fingers into his cloak as he sped off after his partner.

The speed was thrilling. In my original world I didn't have enough money for a bike, let alone a car. I think, as the wind whips past me and my hair trails behind us like a cape, I like going fast. The scenery blurs into one coalesced picture. The trees in the distance dotted the dark grey background in various shades of green; the moon and stars the only still beings in the night sky. For someone immortal, Hidan was warm. I buried my face into the back of his neck, feeling him tense the smallest amount right after. He smelled like the metal tang of blood and-

Suddenly I was flying across the ground like a ragdoll until I was caught in large, firm arms.

"Ahh!" I squeak out, scrambling to get on my feet.

The hell?! Who just throws someone off their back like that?

"Stop moving or I'll slit your throat right now, girl." Came the gravelly voice of my holder.

Like a magic word I stilled instantly. A rough hand was placed over my mouth as if Kakuzu- because who else had stitches on his hand like this?- didn't trust that I'd keep my mouth shut.

"Oi, Kaku-fucker! You don't need to do that, Hikari is plenty quiet enough." Hidan said, his voice cocky and arrogant.

He walked into my view but was obviously still speaking to his partner. Thankfully, the hand was removed. It was growing damp with my heavy breathing. Gross.

"You should already know what to do," Kakuzu all but growls out- though maybe that was his regular voice- and Hidan nods nonchalantly, pissing the stitched man nonetheless, "If the girl gets in the way I'm offing her, got it?"

At this, the devil-may-care attitude Hidan had did a complete switch because he was now glaring wildly at the masked man, "Don't even think about touching her, you shit-eating heathen! Jashin-sama will smite you before you fucking even think about killing her!"

The two glare at each other some more before Kakuzu snorts and pushes me forward into Hidan's chest.

"C'mon, Hikari." Hidan gives one last glare at the masked man (who was leaking some killer intent that made my throat close up pitifully) and stalked away.

I swallowed heavily before following after him.

In the clearing in front of us was a small band of people, and if I can guess correctly, there was some big shot noble or politician they were escorting. There was a few wooden wagons that carried various supplies and one fancy carriage at the far end that obviously housed the rich and famous.

"We're gonna go in and kill as much people as we can while Kakuzu goes to the nobleman's carriage and fulfill his greedy sins. You know what to do?" Hidan whispers to me.

We were crouched behind a bush and though it seemed a little ridiculous, Hidan was a ninja through and through. He knew how to conceal his chakra and made sure the both of us were completely quiet, don't know how.

I nod quickly despite the feelings of self-doubt simmering in the bowels of my gut. This was almost an ideal situation for me to kill myself but honestly speaking, I didn't want to die a painful death.

I was suicidal but also a coward among other equally shameful things; I wanted an easy death without pain or fear. My lips pressed together and I count down.

 _3, 2, 1..._

Everything happened at once.

Hidan whipped out his scythe and it took the first decapitated head rolling towards the caravans for hell to break loose. There was screaming in all directions, limbs flailing wildly and if they were unlucky, lopped off in the next second.

"Hikari!" Hidan bellowed out, a spray of red covering his grinning face.

Dodging a falling, armless body, I held up two fingers to my chest and channeled both chakra.

 _Call for the power child and it will call for you…_

Jashin's voice rung out like a tolling bell as the red glow and markings appeared, covering my body and spreading out in thick lines. The pattern seemingly merged with the blood on the ground, I noticed, because it expanded even farther than it had earlier with just Hidan's blood. As the pattern grew and congealed, thicker and thicker until the lines looked solid, they stopped all who was stepping on them.

Surprisingly, Hidan didn't get stuck like everyone else did. He was moving about freely, cutting down everyone who stood still as a statue though he was constantly stepping onto the pattern below.

I was half tempted to ask the voice in my head on whether it was because Hidan was "registered" into my chakra or something but that didn't really matter right now. Not when there was a person leaping towards me- cleverly counteracting my circle- with a katana in hand.

My eyes widened but I willed myself to keep up the technique, not wanting to free the other people stuck and cause more trouble. The person bounding towards me was almost near and I could hear each thump of my heart. A quickening rhythm egged on by the sudden adrenaline.

Maybe if I was lucky the katana will puncture me straight through my heart and kill me. It can't be that bad, right?

I tried to convince myself but I was scared and alone and I knew it was going to _hurt_. Tears seeped out of my eyes but I kept my mouth shut. It's been years since I've made a sound when I cried and I wasn't about to break that, as stubborn as it sounded.

The man was close enough for his katana to rip through the Akatsuki cloak I was given, a sharp intake of breath at feeling a pinprick of pain. But it was all over when a red and black scythe came rushing towards the man from his right, catching his side and forcefully ripping him away from me as he himself was being ripped in half.

I let out an exhale.

My eyes were forced wide open, wider than it ever had been. The man's body spilled blood onto my face, hands, and chest; showering me in a gory mess. It was the first time I've seen someone killed right in front of me.

Fear still thrummed in my heart but relief soon washed it over. I blinked in surprise when a bloodied hand landed on my head.

"Be careful. If you see another fucker get close, just call and I'll shred 'em." Hidan's voice mumbled out, a frown on his face though he wasn't looking at me.

The rest of the slaughter went by in a blur; my mind was still preoccupied by the death of the man who almost killed me. Thankfully, no one else tried jumping me the rest of the night.

When the entourage of civilians were either dead or incapacitated, Hidan grabbed my shoulder and told me to end my technique. I grunt out in response and lower my hand, the maroon markings disappearing though the red still on my face made it feel like it never went away.

"Go find Kakuzu. I'm gonna sacrifice whoever's left for Jashin-sama." The silver haired nin orders and his hand lets go of my shoulder, the warmth of his hand immediately fading.

 _I must really be fucked up if I found comfort in a mass murderer's touch_ , I think as I touch my shoulder. But then again maybe I'm just as crazy as he is. Maybe getting even crazier with the voice in my head and the markings.

The carriage Kakuzu was in was an absolute mess. The entire interior was covered in blood, even up to the ceiling. The only "clean" thing in there was the man currently leafing through some bills, a head resting daintily in his lap.

"...Um, ah, Hidan told me to come here." I flush, embarrassed.

What was I even here for again? Oh yeah, that guy never told me.

Kakuzu stops his counting- and I swear I heard him sigh- and lifts the head in his lap by the hair. The head is obviously the target, the nobleman or something that we were supposed to take out. Right now though, it didn't really look all too "noble", with it's dead, grey eyes bugging out of its sockets and blood crusting around the bottom of its neck.

"Hold on to this. You lose it, I kill you. You drop it, I kill you," Kakuzu tosses the head at me and I nearly drop it right there. Luckily I caught it in time though I was thoroughly grossed out by the fluids that were leaking out of it.

"We're going to head to the town west of here and get the bounty for him. I'm leaving the head with you since that idiot would most likely lose it before we take even ten steps."

Weirdly enough, I laugh at the green eyed man's sense of humor. We both knew who the 'idiot' was and I needed something to get my mind off the face of the man who tried to kill me.

Just when the atmosphere went up a little, Kakuzu just had to ruin it. God dammit.

"Why are you really here?"

"...What do you mean?" The small smile on my face drops.

"Hidan's real damn protective over you, you know that? Says your a literal gift from God. Who are you really? Why the fuck are you getting involved with a group of people like us? If you haven't noticed, we kill people for a living."

A harsh gulp is forced down my throat. Kakuzu was old but he's real keen on this kind of thing apparently. Did he find out about me? No way, no fucking way he could have guessed I wasn't from this world.

No, he must think I'm some kind of spy or something. Makes sense since I literally have an 'in' in the Akatsuki just because of my supposed ties with Hidan's god. The thought of Kakuzu and the rest of the Akatsuki thinking I'm getting some kind of princess treatment from Hidan makes my blood boil, as if they knew about the bruises from Hidan's wrath or the God in my head or the desperate need to stop breathing.

"I'm not here out of my own free will," I grit out angrily. He doesn't know anything, doesn't know how badly I don't even want to be alive.

"I want to be dead but that fuckhead you call a partner stops me at every turn. It's like torture." I finish, my hands clenching around the head in my arms tightly.

Without a sound, Kakuzu's large hand was wrapped around my hair as he's suddenly behind me. I grunt in pain, the roots of my hair being pulled out just from the man's grip.

"You want to die? Trust me, that can be arranged and believe me when I say that it won't be as pleasant as what you've seen tonight," Kakuzu's mask was right next to my temple, warm breath hitting my ear with each word.

"If Hidan doesn't kill you, someone else will."

The eery promise was sealed with a rough shove from the man, pushing me into the bloody carriage. I protected the decapitated head with my body, landing so that my side took the brunt of the impact.

Tears were gathering around my eyes for the second time that night but it wasn't from fear. No, these were angry, hot tears and the feelings of shame and resentment burned a hole within me.

* * *

 **If you're annoyed by how weak Hikari seems like in the story, you're not the only one. Like I've said in the previous chapter, I'm not used to writing this kind of character so bear with me please. Writing is about exploring yourself and breaking out of your comfort zone sometimes so I think it's a good practice for me since not all my stories has to have some super powered protagonist.**

 **Though Hikari does have that special technique with Jashin's circle, it's easily countered by the fact that long ranged fighters can easily just shoot her down or anything so I think it's a good enough ability without it being OP/Mary Sue. She has to be tied to Jashin in more ways than the voice in her head haha**

 **This isn't a HidanxOC fic, I'd like to emphasize! This chapter is filled with a bunch of Hidan-ness but I'm just trying to build up Hikari and Hidan's complex relationship here which is mostly just Hidan viewing her as an object/gift from his god and thus treating her the same way he would his scythe, devotedly but rough-handed. Hikari is exhibiting some Stockholm Syndrome since she's literally sympathizing with her captor at times but it's all part of their dynamics.**

 **Not much in terms of soulmates right now but this is a Naruto OC fic lol**

 **As always, thanks for reading!**

 **Reviews = Author Motivation = Faster Updates**


	3. Orochimaru

The depression never really left her and some days are better than others.

A year has gone by and Hikari is 21, all the while she lived in the Akatsuki base with trained killers from all walks of life. A year since she's floated into this world with a death wish and a pair of lungs filled with water.

After her first night where she saw death laid bare so close to her, she's spent even more nights on these 'missions' that she's dubbed as 'killing sprees'. Hikari confirms that Hidan only joined the organization because of his love for violence and sacrifice plus the added bonus of being paid for it. If only Hikari could get her hands on some of that money, or any kind of outside help at all really.

It takes a week of nightmares filled with faceless demons and exceptionally loud darkness for her to realize that in this world, mental breakdowns and psychosis go hand in hand with prodigious ninja ability and that meant mental health really isn't much of a concern. Granted, most stem from traumatic experiences like death of a loved one or simply just illusions of grandeur but Hikari sees the faint line that it toes. Added with the means to carve mountains and summon grand beasts, of course these conditions can cause a person to go completely _mad_.

She worries if she'll be able to keep it together enough not to attract anyone's attention. She knows how bad it can get- how badly it can go for her- if Hidan or the other members decide they didn't want to deal with a crybaby who is not only weak but wrong in the head too.

 _My loyal follower will protect you and ensure your relative safety._

The now familiar rumbling echoes in her head. Hikari almost snorts at the god's attempt to comfort her, if He was even doing that. Despite the 'encouraging' words, she can't help but question her own self-worth which then lead to contradicting thoughts of why she should even care. Wasn't her goal to die?

She ponders this during the nights where heads go flying and the only thing her eyes, nose, and lips pick up is the metallic tang of blood. The same thoughts come to her in the days where she lays on her side on her portion of Hidan's bedroom floor, the dull haze of a quickly approaching summer fogging up her mind but still somehow latching onto her introversion.

What troubles her is that instead of being left alone, she seemed to catch the attention of yet more and more Akatsuki members.

Hikari remembers the first time she meets the infamous Uchiha Itachi.

* * *

It is the winter of her first year of her second life and Hikari is only just getting into the routine of things. That is, if you called Hidan's spontaneous rages, Kakuzu's greed-filled killing sprees, and Jashin's fantasy babble akin to some type of routine.

Hikari is wary and a little bitter- from what Kakuzu did to her to being stuck with _life_ again- but she's slowly building up her confidence and almost, just almost, feels somewhat comfortable in the Akatsuki. Hidan wasn't too bad (Hikari has experience with raging 'caretakers' anyway), especially the days where her training proved something to him and made him beam with a proud glint in his eye. Kakuzu kept to himself and hasn't even looked Hikari's way since that mission, which the dark haired girl was thankful yet a little spiteful about. Even Jashin made for some really good ego boosting with his baritone words and dark promises.

This is all the reason why Hikari was in a relatively good mood that day, walking into the kitchen to make her and Hidan's lunch for the day.

(Hikari quietly keeps to herself that sometimes she felt like she was caring for the silver haired mercenary, not the other way around. Especially since she made nearly all his meals, washed his clothes, and even organized his cloaks for him. She also vigorously denies any accusations of her doing this on her own, but instead being forced to by the end of Hidan's scythe.)

As she turned the corner that would lead her into the kitchen area of the base- which surprised her during her 'tour' of the place, assuming S-ranked criminals didn't eat like normal people- Hikari bumps into a solid chest with a hard thunk.

Her head throbs a little but it wasn't that painful, she thinks with a rub of her forehead. She's halfway from apologizing when a disinterested grunt comes her way from the other person.

It takes exactly three seconds for Hikari to even realize she just bumped into _the_ Uchiha Itachi, martyr of Konoha and a gentle soul.

 _Gentle my ass_ , she sneers in her mindspace. Jashin agrees with His own noncommittal noise when Itachi pushes his way away from her and leaves, not once even looking her in the eye. The dark haired young woman can only shrug off the annoyance and get back to making lunch.

* * *

Hikari doesn't see or even think much of Itachi after that first encounter. He disappears into her mind like the silent killer that he is, fading away with the monotony of feigned routine and normalcy.

The main reason of why the Uchiha was so easily forgotten was because of the full force that her depression attacked her with lately, pushing everything else to the back and placing the anxiety, detachment, and suicidal thoughts to the forefront of her mind. Occasionally she can see the looming, static figure in her peripherals and it scares the wit out of her every time.

It seemed like her focus was pin-point, tunnel vision zeroing in on the most unnecessary thoughts and observations.

A memory of her staring at a wrinkle in Hidan's bedsheets for nearly an hour and feeling discomforted by it surfaces in her thoughts.

Hidan noticed something was off, if only a little. He voiced his concerns one day by making sure her physical training was extra grueling, saying that "hard work will keep your mind off things". As if what was plaguing her could be easily cured through sweat and tears.

Hikari knew the only real way to deal with her ailment was psychiatric help. However the closest thing that would be is their resident medical genius, Orochimaru of the Sannin.

She overhears Hidan complaining about a "snake-faced sinner" and makes the only guess of who he might have been talking about. Gathering all the facts about the Sannin she could remember- experimented on children, driven by need of immortality, curse mark- Hikari figures that with his knowledge on the human body and experimentation, he could make this world's version of an anti-depressant.

Back in her first life she had never went to see a mental health specialist for any kind of drugs in fear that she wouldn't be able to pay for it. Years were spent wondering if it would have made any kind of difference.

Going up to the Sannin and asking for help was no easy matter, it turns out. Hikari first had to find the man and with the base's winding hallways and similar decor it took about a week before her eyes picked up on the swaying of long black hair turn a corner ahead of her. Picking up her speed she turned the corner herself and nearly tripped.

She had almost made the mistake of bumping right into the Sannin. Orochimaru stood with an unimpressed face, knowing that she was running up to him and was too good to be caught off guard.

"Hidan's little plaything. If you have something to say, say it now before I decide to have my own fun with you." Orochimaru's voice nearly hissed out, though he didn't sound angry, merely impatient.

Hikari's cheeks and ears burned brightly at the insinuation that Hidan was 'having fun with her'. She blushed even harder at the sexual connotation behind the Sannin's words though she was sure he hadn't meant it to be that way.

Shaking her shame away, she quickly asks, "Do you know of any drugs that help with depression? Or at least, anxiety?"

After asking, Hikari's relieved at the interested rise of the man's eyebrow. She was unsure if words like depression or anxiety even existed in this world but she hoped his interest in testing and knowledge would make him want to look into it.

"And why would I tell _you_ if I did have any?" Came a monotone reply. Orochimaru decided to entertain the girl's enquiries just this once though he would usually kill someone for the the rude way she was speaking to him.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't need it." She pleads, her hands clench at her sides ashamed.

The fine strands of hair by Orochimaru's neck spill onto his back as he tilts his head, "So you are sick? And you want me to give you medicine?"

The words come out monotone and flat but Hikari picks up on the mocking tone it tries to hide. Orochimaru is trying to goad her, she thinks. See if belittling her would make her run. What the Sannin doesn't know is that Hikari is familiar with humility and shame and that the need to make the static figure go away forces her to swallow her small ego and bear his mocking.

She nods her head and keeps her eyes to the floor. A second of tension and hoping pass as the man considers her plea.

"Hm. Very well then, if you'll follow me."

Hikari triumphs this time around with Orochimaru's sneer and bullheaded fearlessness. She considers the fact that the Sannin didn't directly threaten her life a win as well.

The two walk like a regal snake striding through the hallways with a twitchy mouse scuttling behind until the pair reach another part of the base. Orochimaru pushes his way through the door with Hikari in tow and quickly starts looking into some of the cabinets.

The brown eyed woman takes the time to peer at the little curiosities of the room, taking in the almost normal sight of what she sees. She half suspected the Sannin's lab to be just that: a lab.

Instead, the office-styled room held several metal cabinets, bookshelves, and even a desk with two chairs. Hikari meanders towards the bookshelves and examine the oddities that line the shelf in front of her. A floating eyeball- normal, albeit the iris a little foggy- placed in a glass jar greeted her first and though a little strange, Hikari had to admit nothing in the room screamed 'mad scientist'.

"What were you expecting?" Came a knowing sneer behind her. Hikari turns herself to face the Sannin, uncomfortable with the stare he is undoubtedly giving her.

"I've no clue what trash Hidan has been filling your head with but I assure you I find messy work spaces detestable."

Hikari jumps as a tube is tossed at her, the Sannin lazily (yet scarily accurate) throwing it over as he began rifling through some documents on his desk.

The young woman turns the tube over in her hands examining it. On a square piece of paper pasted on top of tube she read, in messily scrawled handwriting that reminded her of a doctor's, "Citalopram, Escitalopram, Fluoxetine, Fluvoxamine, Paroxetine, Sertraline*... Take one daily, swallow whole."

Hikari stuttered as she read through the ingredients on what was assumed to be the anti-depressants. Hearing the girl struggling with the words, Orochimaru chuckled as much as an S-ranked missing-nin could.

" _That_ is what 'anti-depressant' I have right now. Before I let you take off with it I'll need you to do something for me. I cannot just give you this kind of help without stipulation afterall."

The wide smile aimed at Hikari from the pale skinned man made her shudder. Men like Orochimaru always had something else planned, something else hidden from others to see.

What followed after was a series of test that had the two sitting on the chairs and following the Sannin's instructions. They were mostly painless. Taking her height, weight, and other mundane things that would happen at a physician's office. After that, however, came some blood work and Orochimaru cared little for the girl's discomfort at being poked and prodded.

"Take one pill daily, whole. If anything strange happens come and see me. By _strange_ I mean something life-threatening or immediately changing your physical appearance," He glanced in warning, making sure Hikari didn't come crying to him for the little things.

"And do try to keep your medication hidden from prying eyes. Who knows what will happen should your _caretaker_ find it and take it away from you."

'Caretaker' was hissed out in mocking, amber eyes slitted at Hikari and made her hand tremble slightly. The threat was clear: keep the drugs a secret or get punished and never get 'help' from Orochimaru again.

Hikari nodded, too dumbstruck to say anything back. All too quickly she was being ushered out back into the dimly lit hallway.

As she was nearing a corner, she picked up Orochimaru's low voice, "Let us hope you have no history with seizures or epilepsy..."

* * *

Looking back, Hikari really should have expected things to go wrong after speaking with the Snake Sannin.

It took a week of ingesting the small white pills given to her to see any change. At first it was good.

Hikari felt more in tune with reality, as if the lines in the walls became bolder and larger, and little sounds like her toes scratching the floor became more prominent. Everything seemed more crisp and it was like taking a breath of fresh air.

When she really did step outside it was like opening her eyes to a whole new world. Before, everything was so flat and _unreal_ but now it was like the colors of the ground and the sky were popping out at her. Things finally looked three-dimensional and Hikari felt like she was truly alive; not living in some kind of fantasy world, crippled by her flagging mental health but utterly and completely _alive_.

If Hidan could tell the difference Hikari wouldn't know. Training went by as normal with the added bonus of seemingly heightened senses and more liveliness from the previously gloomy girl. She was more likely to respond to Hidan's commands instead of the usual grim nod and even the blood markings glowed more brightly than it ever did.

Hidan chalked it up to Jashin's blessings.

But of course all good things must come to an end the same way nothing gold can stay. With the changing of seasons, autumn drastically coming to the base, Hikari felt something disrupt within her. Almost as if a slowly dwindling strand of twine was coming to its last threads, the tension snapped within her and Hikari woke up sweating on a cool autumn morning. Her fingers clenched around the ratty blanket given to her as she tried to calm her breath.

Her eyes were glazed and unfocused, darting left and right, up and down, any which way since the static overcoming her vision crawled across her eyeballs neverending. When she felt that her entire body was covered in the inky black static of _that_ creature, Hikari let out a shrieking scream.

* * *

 _Subject: Sanada Hikari_

 _Maturity: Adult, female_

 _Height: 154 cm_

 _Weight: 40.8 kg_

 _Gross Description: Hair color, black. Length reaches past shoulders. Eyes slightly yellow/test for jaundice at available time. Malnourished and lack of sleep causing higher stress and anxiety. Underweight for height._

 _Given prescription to lower anxiety levels and disruption of reality; 'antidepressant' as subject called it._

 _Behavioral Observation: Subject flinches and has muscles spasms at random intervals. Eyes occasionally wanders and becomes unfocused, subject does not realize she is doing this._

 _\- Subject returns after 22 days of taking medication, status has worsened. Hair loss evident likely pulled out by subject's own hands. Eyes much more bloodshot, hyperpigmentation around area. Mumbles often and occasionally forms sentences, speaking to unknown entity and does not react to clapping or objects waved in face, symptoms of schizophrenia. Coherent not even once since returning,_

Orochimaru pauses his hand and the pencil stills in the air, interrupting the notes he was jotting down. Hidan's plaything got out of her chair once again and the lithe man has to go back and return her to her seat. He has little patience for such things so he straps her down with chakra wire, should they dig into her skin she probably won't even feel it since she was so out of it.

This patient admittedly turned out with better results than expected, the Sannin thinks. Previous iterations of the drugs administered to patients formed tumors at their worst and irreparable mental damage at its best (at least one extreme would leave the patient alive). The tough little thing managed to hold off for nearly a month before adverse effects started showing, which was impressive in itself.

Though the most notable change would be found not in her head but in her physical body. After running a Mystical Palm on the girl, Orochimaru was pleased to find that the drug had increased the amount of chakra being created inside the girl and sped up cell regeneration- not the kind that the late Shodai was gifted with, mind you, but enough to surprise even a veteran like himself.

Contrary to the belief that Orochimaru sought for immortality using brutish means like body swapping, the ambitious man researched for ways to achieve his goals knowing full well that knowledge was a strength in itself. Which lead to him creating and synthesizing drugs that could extend his own life, or in Hikari's case, regenerate what was once lost.

Speaking of the now addle-minded woman, Orochimaru stepped up to her chair to examine her one more time. His frame lowered itself to eye level and watched as dilated pupils shook and zoomed across her orbs imitating the patterns of REM sleep. Perhaps, the snake faced man mused, she is dreaming with her eyes wide open. Unknown to the man however is how close his musings were to the actual truth, though Hikari saw more nightmarish images than sweet dreams.

"Alright, girl," Orochimaru hisses out but his voice is clear and as close to _cooing_ as it could ever come. Something about the way the twitching woman was now his impaired patient seemed to endear her just the miniscule bit to his heart.

"It is clear that the medication only helped for a short period in the beginning and is now making a mess of your person. So it is time to take you off it and start your recovery. I will confiscate all your leftover pills by tonight. Your body should cycle out the rest of the medication especially now with your, _added,_ benefits…"

Orochimaru knew full well he wasting his breath on a person who couldn't even see him let alone hear him but it was all standard procedure- that is, to give a short report to the patient- something he'd learn from a certain blonde, a memory buried deep in the recesses of his mind. He had wanted to become a medic once, all those years ago, but he realizes now what kind of foolish thinking that had been. He's always been the monster anyways, on the front lines staring down the enemy and causing fear and chaos. Monsters like him had hands that would never heal, only meant to torment and take life.

Thin lips press together and with a _whoosh_ of dark fabric, the patient is resting in her room and the small tube hidden under a futon is in the hands of the snake-faced man. By the next day Hikari wakes up and sees the world again.

* * *

On that horrid first night of being off the pills she spent it with a clenching pain in her stomach and the next morning with her head in the toilet. The murky brown of her upchuck was colored with deep red. Hidan was clearly holding in his fury and instead was almost comforting with the way he (roughly) patted her back as she puked her guts out.

The second night went smoother though Hidan finally broke down and started yelling at her, asking her why she suddenly felt ill and if this was punishment from Jashin. The horrible death god laughed that deep, amused laugh all night after that.

It took three days for Hikari to feel well enough to go outside and train again. Hidan was running out of patience waiting for her to get back to business and help him kill again. Hikari didn't know whether to feel flattered that the pink-eyed nin wanted her companionship (and usefulness) or morbid that a few more people got to live those couple of days only because she was out sick and holding the man back.

Orochimaru really should have weaned her off the pills first, she thinks. It can't be healthy for her body to suddenly cut off a drug as strong as that. She's at least grateful that it wasn't addictive.

Back on the battlefield for the first time since being "sick", Hikari struggled to fall back into the hang of things. It took a little more chakra to cast the technique, a little more focus to hold it and keep it up. She'd even been yelled at by Hidan because he could see the way her eyes glazed over at times when heads went rolling and jutsu flew around her trying to kill her.

There was a good reason for the distraction, she thinks: the nightmares followed her even in the waking world.

In the corners of her eyes she can see a mass of darkness, swirling and congealing together like the spawns of the original static creature. They were terrible things and Hikari was afraid. As the bodies fell around her their souls seemed to tie themselves to these monsters and join together to form a new being altogether. What luck, of course the creatures would warp and evolve into something new to terrorize her.

For the first time she prayed that night to Jashin, asking for the god's mercy.

"Please, please help me. I don't know how to make it stop. Orochimaru just made it worse, I see them _outside_ now." She whispers with her head touching the floor, legs tucked beneath her in a bow.

Hikari is alone in the bathroom- with the door locked for privacy and the illusion of it cradles her safely- and she has a kunai on the ground next to her. As she expected, the god did not answer her pleas so she lifts her head slowly. Knowing as much as she does about Jashin, she assumed he would only listen to her if she offered some kind of sacrifice.

The metal of the weapon glints under the dingy light of the bathroom whose cracked tiles had traces of mold as the water ran stale. There was an overall griminess inside the room that hinted at Hidan's messy clean ups but at the moment Hikari couldn't bring herself to care. Metal shined once more as she lifts the kunai above her left palm, steadying her breath and firming her resolve before driving it down with chakra enhanced strength. She'd never be as thankful for Hidan's lessons as she is now.

Flesh ripped apart easily as Hikari let out a pained yelp, tears prickling her eyes as she quickly pulls the blade out and chucks it into the yellow-tinged bath tub. She is immediately clutching the bleeding appendage and attempts to speak to the god again, though this time mentally.

 _Jashin-sama, I offer this blood for you so please listen to my prayer._

A rumbling akin to a growling predator reverberates in her ears, _If you think that puny cut is enough to satiate me you are deluded, child. Kill a man for me, cut off his limbs, gut him and present him to me like a loyal follower and I will humor your whims._

The death god quiets as Hikari's crying becomes an outpour of tears and sobs. She should have known putting a hole in her hand wouldn't be enough, only the complete evisceration of a human would make these creatures go away.

She cries and cries and begs for forgiveness from her mother, from her soulmate, and even from herself, the child that was lost but pure all those years ago for what she will have to do. The void creatures get closer with each hour, a few centimeters here or a scuffle there but Hikari knows. Sooner or later the monsters will get to her and she is afraid that she will not die. No, she will be trapped in their grasp and will have to endure a never ending nightmare of all the sins of the world, including her own, and she will never know the peace of death.

Hikari is terrified of not being able to die and rest in peace. So she goes out after roughly bandaging her damaged hand to find Hidan.

"Hidan. I- I was thinking that I want to make my first sacrifice, to Jashin-sama." She stutters out when she finds the silver haired nin doing push ups outside.

Surprisingly, the god fearing shinobi enjoyed the cool night air and usually took it upon himself to do his training around midnight. It usually works out for Hikari since her insomnia allowed her to stay up and enjoy some quiet in the room. Hidan's muscles rippled as he pushed himself down once more before sitting up to look at the young woman.

"Right now, seriously? Can't you see I'm busy?" He huffs out but Hikari fills with hope since it wasn't an outright no.

"Please? I talked to Jashin-sama and he said I should." Hikari has her hands clasped and is doing her best to out on a pout.

Hidan gives a long, considering look to her. Hikari wasn't much of a talker on her best days and he can honestly say this must be the most she's ever spoken to him voluntarily. As much as he hates to admit it, he's grown a little fond of his new weapon. And if Jashin-sama is encouraging her to make her first sacrifice then why not? He could go with letting out a bit of steam tonight anyways.

All this went into account as Hidan replied, "Well, since you put it that way, let's fucking do it! In fact, I think one of the other members is about to go on a mission right now so we can tag along without Leader getting pissed at us leaving without his damn permission. Again."

Hikari shows her gratitude with a smile and nearly forgets to keep her injured hand hidden behind the other. She hopes that what she is about to do will help her, God she hopes it does.

* * *

 ***These ingredients were one of the first I found while researching about anti-depressants. Please understand that I am no doctor so the "medical professional" parts in this chapter are completely a work of fiction.**

 **Orochimaru makes his debut! He obviously planned for the drug to harm Hikari in the end but honestly that's the Orochi we all know and love (winkwink). Speaking of love, resident love-interest Uchiha Itachi finally is mentioned haha**

 **This chapter ends in a cliff hanger so please look forward to future chapters!**

 **Reviews = Author Motivation = Faster Updates**


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